Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
