your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize