guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
