We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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