I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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