Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
