I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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