I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
