It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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