Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
