Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
