a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Girls should come with a carfax report
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
