I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
