I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
