There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
