My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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