I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
