i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize