That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
