Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
