Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
