Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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