I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize