Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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