giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
