hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
