if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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