I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
