Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
