I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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