peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You ruined the universe
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