On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
