I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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