I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
