:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
