nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
