Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Quick, to the slutcave!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
