oh god the rape fog is back!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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