i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize