My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
