you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
