Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
