There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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