People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
