my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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