I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
