I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
