Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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