you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
