Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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