I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
