I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
