u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
