i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
