So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize