you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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