I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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