Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
