I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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