if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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