Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
