I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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