So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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