....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Randomize
