I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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