Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
