I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need to calm my uterus...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
