this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize