Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
