Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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