Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
