why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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