There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
