I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just want nice things and good sex
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
