So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
