I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
