He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Be still, my beating vagina.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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