look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
