barbara walters just said penis...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
