The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
