the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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