i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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