You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
