I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
