I could have mohawked her pubes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
