her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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