Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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