I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
