Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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