Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
