Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
