4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
