i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize