You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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