I must be too annoying 4 u.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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