My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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