This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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