Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.

Fav 33 4941 1007
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(716): View more from New York

once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party

Fav 10 1163 4173
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(319): View more from Iowa

We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.

Fav 10 3499 1623
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(404): View more from Georgia

It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!

Fav 4 883 534
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(330): View more from Ohio

Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.

Fav 8 704 1468
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in

Fav 2 206 318
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(812): View more from Indiana

are you inviting me to ice cream?

(630): View more from Illinois

the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream

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