Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
