now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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