i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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