Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
