Pants 0. Shit 1.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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