You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
