I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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