the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
