I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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