went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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