i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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