Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
