YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
