I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
