No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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