well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize