well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
