Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
