nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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