Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
