yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
