3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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