lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
