ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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